And There Were Monks Bouncing on the Green....
by LittleDragon
Summary: A funny story about the fairy tale adventures of young Prince Milliardo when he looks for a friend. Will be continued in another chapter or so.
1. And There Were Monks Bouncing on the Gre...

There was once a little prince who lived in a big castle. A rather big castle, at that. Now, this castle was located in a land far away, called the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Breads and Biscuits Too. In this land the sun shone, the birds chirped, the people were happy, and the pastery was always good.  
Even with all that was listed above, the little prince ot the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too was unhappy. In fact, he was quite sad.  
You may be asking, 'Why would a prince such as this be so sad?'. Normally that would be a good question. You see, the little prince-his name was Milliardo-was sad, and he was sad because he had no friends. In his country the sun shone, the birds chirped, the people were happy, and the pasteries were very good, but no one wanted to be the little prince's friend.  
So, once upon a time-because that is normally when a story takes place-this little prince of ours made a wish on a far away star. It was very far away indeed and the little prince had a hard time seeing it, but using the ability all heros posess to be able to choose the right one, he picked that one.  
"Pretty star, so shiny and bright, won't you grant my wish tonight?" Little Prince Milliardo asked the star looking up at it with big innocent eyes.  
And much to his-and also many astronomers out in California-surprise, the star winked. Or blinked. Whichever. Then burst into an explosion of a billion different colors all at once, quite overwhelming the little prince.   
Squinting up at the sky Milliardo thought he saw the star moving. Of course, it was moving, but if he knew that it would ruin the surprise.  
When the little prince saw that it was indeed moving towards him he became frightened.   
"Don't be frightened, Little Prince." Said a somewhat harsh voice seemingly out of nowhere. "I'm the wishing star and I was dragged all the way out here to grant your wish in the middle of my favorite tv show. So, you better not run away or anything like that."  
The little prince thought about this, and being young and fairly stupid, he went along with it.   
When his eyes were used to the bright light the "star" emitted he could see that it was not a star at all, rather it was a pretty fairy. Sort of.   
The fairy had wings like a fairy and a wand like a fairy and even a pretty dress like a fairy, but our young hero wasn't at all sure if it was indeed a fairy.   
She stared hard at him through wire-rimmed glasses. "So, what is it that you want? Fame? Fortune? No! Wait! I got it! You want the world, right? No? Well, what do you want?"  
Our little prince looked up timidly at the fairy. "Well, ma'am-"  
"Don't call me ma'am. It makes me sound like a school teacher. Call me Une. Fairy Une."   
"Okay," Milliard said, staring at his feet. "Fairy Une, I would like a friend."  
"What?!" The fairy stared at him unbelievingly. "You want a friend? What're you crazy?! You could have anything you wanted and you ask for a friend?"   
Our little hero felt bad. In fact, he was feeling quite embarassed. Was the fairy going to refuse him his wish? He began to cry.  
Fairy Une stood where she was. "What are you doing? Are you crying? You're a prince! Princes don't cry! I won't accept it. There's no crying in my presence! No crying! Did you hear me?"   
But the poor little prince of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Breads and Biscuits Too was past the stopping point. He cried and cried. And for such a little prince he sure cried a river. He kept crying and crying.   
Soon Fairy Une stood ankle deep in what was quickly becoming an ocean and she stared guiltily at the prince. "Look. I'm sorry. Please don't cry anymore. You're ruining my dress. It's a new dress, too. I'll do anything." The water was now up to her waist. "Um...Stop crying and I'll give you a second wish!"  
At this, Little Prince Milliardo stopped crying and looked up at Fairy Une's face. "Really?"  
Now, realizing that she couldn't risk making the prince cry anymore she gave up. "Sure. Whatever you want."  
The little prince's eyes shone. "Wow! Thanks Fairy Une! My first wish is to have a friend. Um, my second wish will be....Um...can I have it later?"  
"Sure." Fairy Une said. "Now, about the friend. You will find one, but you will have to journey a long way. I will send the happy-go-lightly God of Death to guide you. Now, I have to be going, but I'll keep an eye on you and if you ever want to make that wish, call me. But don't call me collect. Here's my number. Good Luck, Prince. You'll need it." With that Fairy Une disappeared.   
Milliardo sat in the shoulder-deep water and blinked. The little prince was very confused. Hadn't the Fairy Une said she would send a guide? But where was the guide? The poor little prince didn't have enough time to think about it, because he was called to dinner.  
After a good dinner of (what else?) bread and biscuits and a rather severe chastisement over his soaking clothes, Milliardo climbed into bed and started to fall into a nice sleep. He had just about fallen asleep, when he was awakened by the second very bright light he had seen that day. The poor little sleepless prince nearly fell out of bed when he found himself staring at a boy with a long brown braid whose face was inches from his own.  
"Hi!" The boy said with a big smile.  
"Ahhh! What are you doing?!" Milliardo cried, alarmed. "Who are you?! Get out of my room!"   
The tall boy shook his head. "Uh-uh. Sorry. Can't do that. As much as I'd like to. Fairy Une told me that I'm supposed to be your guide and take you to find your friend. My name's Duo Maxwell. Otherwise known as the happy-go-lucky God of Death." Duo smiled again. "And you're Little Prince Milliardo. Yeah. I know your name. I'm the God of Death. What did you expect?"  
To be quite truthful, Milliardo had not been sure what he had expected, but by that time of night he had forgotten all about it. He was sure that this must be Fairy Une's Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death though, because the boy was always smiling.  
The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death danced around the room. "Are you ready to go, Prince?"  
"Yeah!" Little Prince Milliardo said excitedly. "Let's go now!"  
"Okay," The Shinigami said with a yawn. "But we have to go a very long way, so I'd advise wearing good shoes."  
Running about excitedly, Milliardo put on his best pair of shoes and followed the Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death outside. Soon they were well on their way.   
At first, the little prince was very amazed. He had never seen anything like the outside world in his life. There were people standing outside and talking. There were people selling things, and he even saw the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.  
  
  



	2. And There Were Monks Bouncing on the Gre...

This was all very new to the little prince, as he had spent his entire life inside of a castle. And though it was a very large castle, it did not provide him with a very good view of the towns below.  
After awhile, though, everything began to get old. They walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked until the little prince Milliardo thought that very soon his little feet would fall right off his little legs and he would be forced to walk some more on his feetless ankles. And still they continued to walk.   
Duo, the Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death was cheerfully whistling and walking forward in a most chipper manner. Looking sideways at him, little Milliardo began to wonder if perhaps the Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death was so happy-go-lucky because of some mental problems.   
On they walked, and walked, and walked until finally, after many more hours of walking, they came upon a house at the edge of a deep dark woods.  
"Here we are!" Announced the Shinigami in his ever-cheerful voice. "Our first stop!"  
The little prince looked around the little house. It was small and cavered in lots of green vines. In the front was a lovely little garden full of brightly colored flowers.   
"Where are we?" Asked the little prince.  
"Why, we're her," Said Duo with a smile. "We're here at this little cabin owned by a very nice man just inside the border of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too. It's the first place Fairy Une told us to stop at."  
They had arrived at the door of the little house and Prince Milliardo knocked timidly on the door. When it was opened they were greeted by the friendly face of a blonde boy.   
"Hello, Stranger," Said the boy in his friendly way. "Welcome to my home." He frowned when he saw the Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death. "Oh hello, Duo. I guess you can come in too if you promise not to break anything."  
Duo continued to smile as he always did and walked in dragging the hesitant little prince in with him.  
After the friendly blonde had made sure Milliardo was comfortalbly seated and all his breakables were well-secured to their shelves, he sat down as well.   
"My name is Quatre Reberba Winner," The blonde said in his friendly voice. "I've lived here in this cottage at the edge of the Deep Dark Forest just inside the borders of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too all my life." He sighed. "All by myself. But excuse me, I don't think I asked you your name."  
The little prince introduced himself, as was proper to do when you are asked your name. "My name is Prince Milliardo George Fredrick Hinton Eustatius Peacecraft the third of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too," He blushed at the sheer length of his name. "But you can just Milliardo."  
Quatre smiled. "Alright, then Milliard it is. You can call me 'Quatre'. As I said, I've lived here all my life and all my life I've been a woodcutter. That's what I do for a living." He sighed again. "And I'm all alone."  
"Don't you have any friends?" Milliardo asked.  
"Yes," Said the friendly blonde woodcutter sadly. "I have a friend. But he lives a very long way away from here, over the river and through the woods to be quite exact. And we haven't spoken in quite a long time."   
"Oh," Said Milliardo sadly.  
Shinigami, who had been unusually quiet the past few minutes spoke up. "I'm sure we could take him a note." He suggested.  
The blonde woodcutter's eyes lit up. "Really?"  
"Sure." Duo shrugged. "We're going that direction anyway."  
Quatre smiled and handed them a letter that seemed as though it hadn't been there before. "Here," He said. "This is for him. His name is Trowa Barton. You'll find him over the river and through the woods in a orange house by the ocean. And thank you."  
Milliardo and Duo began to leave.   
"Wait!" Called the blonde. "Are you going through the Deep Dark Woods?"  
"Why yes we are," Said Milliardo. "How did you know?"  
The blonde shrugged. "Be very careful. The Deep Dark Woods is very dangerous. Aside from being very deep and dark, it has many mean and nasty, not to mention bad creatures in it. Take this." He handed the little prince a ring. "This will help protect you from the mean creatures, but it will not keep them completely away. You must do that on your own."   
The little prince thanked the kind woodcutter and went on his way.  
Soon little Milliardo and his Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death companion found themselves on the edge of the Deep Dark Woods. The little prince gulped. For he was a very little prince and not all together brave at all. Duo smiled and continued on his way with the usual grin plastered on his face causing Milliardo to think seriously about his mental illness theory.   
Taking a deep breath, the little prince took his first step into the woods. Nothing happened. He sighed in relief and skipped along the path in a hurry to catch up with Duo.  
After walking for what seemed like forever to Milliardo, Duo stopped. He looked around and then sat down.  
"What are we doing?" Asked the little prince uneasily.  
"We're stopping." Was the Shinigami's reply.   
"Why?"  
"Because I don't know the way out."   
"What?!" The little prince cried. "What do you mean you don't know the way out?!"   
Duo looked up at little Milliardo with a confused expression. "I mean exactly that. I don't know the way out."  
Poor little prince Milliardo. He was trapped in the woods a million miles from home with a Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death who didn't know the way out, and the chances of his survival were quickly diminishing. It was time for an emotional breakdown. The little prince sat down on the ground and started to cry.   
Duo looked at him. "What are you doing?" He asked.  
Milliardo just continued to cry. He cried and cried and cried. Until Duo sat there in a lake up to his ankles in water.  
Suddenly, there was a bright light-the third Milliardo had seen that day-and another flash of colors. There infront of him was Fairy Une standing in a tennis skirt this time.  
"What is it this time, Milliardo?" She said, annoyed.  
The Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami shrugged and spread his hands in a gesture of apology.   
"Stop crying!" Ordered Fairy Une. Miliardo stopped and stared at her. "Now, What's the matter this time?"   
The little prince hiccuped. "Well, Fairy Une, I was walking here through the Deep Dark Woods and Duo said he didn't know the way out."  
"Is that all?" Fairry Une asked, tapping her wand in her hand in annoyance. "Of all the stupid-never mind. Just take this path to the left and follow it. Mind that you don't leave the path and you'll get out well enough. Now I've gotta go, I'm missing my tennis match. Remember, call me if you need me."  
With that advise the little prince stopped crying and he and his companion were soon once again on their way out of the Deep Dark Woods.   
  



	3. And There Were Monks Bouncing on the Gre...

Soon, they came upon a clearing and the little prince asked if, perhaps, they could stop for a bit and rest, for his feet were terribly sore from all that walking. Duo, the Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death nodded good-naturedly and sat down next to him.   
Now, our little hero was becoming very hungry. He had hiked all night and he was sure that it must be morning, even though he couldn't tell because the woods were so deep and dark that you couldn't see the sun. His stomach rumbled.   
"Duo?" Little Prince Milliardo asked. "I'm hungry. Did you pack any food?"  
The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death fell out of character for the first time in the story. No. Not literally. He could have gotten hurt if he really did and no one gets hurt in this fairy tale. But he did, however, fall off the log he had been sitting on as an enormous sweatdrop appeared on his head.  
"Heh. Heh. I knew I must have forgotten something." He laughed uneasily.  
Little Milliardo's face fell. No. Not literally. If it did all his features would be laying on the ground and that would be gross. Anyway, he had hiked all that way and now he had no food to eat. He was so hungry he even thought of resorting to cannibalism, but decided against it, not knowing what exactly a Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death would taste like. Then an idea struck him. Again, not literally.   
"Alright, then I suppose we should look for some," He said to his embarrassed companion.  
Duo scratched his head. "Didn't Fairy Une tell us to stay on the path?"  
"She won't mind if we go off the path a little bit, just to find something to eat." The little prince of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too said after a few seconds thought.  
And being as easy-going as he was, Duo shrugged and headed off, following Milliardo.  
After hunting for at least an hour, Milliardo decided that there wasn't anything to be eaten in the entire forest and that they should turn back now. But when he looked around, he realized that they were lost and he began to cry again.  
Duo covered his ears, the sound of Prince Milliardo's sobs being quite loud. Unfortunately, he was not the only one in the forest who heard the little prince with the big lungs crying. One of the creatures Quatre had warned them about was approaching, following the sounds of Milliardo's crying.  
CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH.  
Duo gasped. "Uh, Prince? I hate to interrupt you in the middle of a really good cry and everything, but I think we might have some company in a few seconds."  
That shut the little prince up. He stopped crying and looked at Duo in shocked horror. As we said before, he was a rather little prince and definitely not a brave one. And this announcement caused him to become quite frightened indeed.  
CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH.  
Their "company" entered the clearing. Duo shook with fear and the little prince hid his eyes. The monster approached them and picked up the poor little prince whom the Scared-Out-Of-His-Wits God of Death was hiding behind and was about to eat him when...  
"Well, damn. I was goin' ter eat 'cha, but ya had to go wearin' that stupid ring." The monster set a badly shaken Prince Milliardo carefully back on the ground and brushed him off. "I should 'ave guessed. That's just me luck. I didn't scare ya too much, did I?"  
Milliardo couldn't respond, he was still getting over the shock of nearly being digested. So, he only shook his head.  
"Good. I didn't mean to do that 'cha know. It's not like I chose to be a bloody monster or anything like that. It's just, I gots ter eat too. I've got me a wife an' six kids back at home."   
"Oh, yeah, man. I know exactly how you feel." Duo said coming out of his hiding place and putting his arm around the monster's shoulder. "My name's Duo Maxwell. I'm the Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death-"  
"You mean there's more than one of ya?"  
"Yeah, well, I've got a couple brothers and sisters, but they don't really count. Anyway, this is my traveling companion Milliardo. He's the prince of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too."  
Our little prince was a little lost as to how you greeted a monster that nearly ate you, but he bowed and said hi.  
The monster was now sitting in the clearing with them and chatting like he ad known them forever. "So, the princess says ter me, 'Do yer worst!' an' I say, 'Lady, ya don't know what 'cha gettin' into.'."  
Everyone was quiet. Obviously, they didn't get the joke. The monster laughed uneasily. "So, ya think you've lost yer way through the forest? Well, that shouldn't be too 'ard. I can get 'cha out in no time."   
So, eagerly they accepted the help of their new-found friend, whose name happened to be Jacques, and were soon running through the forest.  
When they arrived at the edge of the woods Jacques volunteered to come along with them.  
So, Jacques, the little prince, and the Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death went on their way. But seeing as they had already gone throught the woods, they only had to go over the river. That was the problem.  
Upon approaching the bridge they met a very ugly old man.  
"Stop" The old man said. "Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."  
After a brief arguement over who would go first, little Milliardo was shoved forward.   
"A-ask m-me the qu-questions, B-bridgekeeper. I-I am not a-afraid." Milliardo studdered.  
"What is your name?" Was the Bridgekeeper's first question.  
"Prince Milliardo of the Land of the rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too."  
"What is your quest?"   
"To seek my far away friend."  
"What is your favorite color?"  
"Red."  
"Right then. Off you go."  
The little prince was quite surprised at the easy questions. "Well, thank you. Thank you very much." And with that he crossed the bridge over to the other side.  
Duo and Jacques stared for a second.   
"Hey!" Duo exclaimed. "That was easy!"  
And the Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami went running up to the bridgekeeper.  
"Stop!" The Bridgekeeper said as Duo approached. "Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three ere the other side he see."  
Duo grinned broadly. "Go ahead. Ask me the questions, Bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid."  
"What is your name?"  
"Duo Maxwell, the Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death."  
"What is your quest?"  
"To seek that guy in front of me's far away friend."  
"What's pi to the 56th decimal place?"  
"What? How the Hell am I supposed to know that? AHHHHH!!!!"  
And Duo was hurled into the river. But don't worry. As I said in the beginning, no one ever gets killed in this movie. They only get really large boo-boos. Anyway, so Duo was catapulted into the river to return at a later point in the story.  
Now, it was Jacques's turn to be asked.  
"What is your name?"  
"Jacques."  
"What is your quest?"  
"To seek Milliardo's far away friend."  
"What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"  
"What? An African swallow or a European swallow?"  
"I don't know that? ARGHHHHHH!!!!!"  
The ugly old Bridgekeeper was catapulted into the river to join Duo, and, unfortunately, would not be returning later in the story. And after waving good bye to the unfortunate Bridgekeeper, Jacques crossed the Bridge of Death to join Milliardo on the other side.  
"How do you know so much about swallows?" Milliardo asked when Jacques appeared on the other side.  
"Well, when ya live in a forest you 'ave lots o' time to look at those kind o' things." He replied with a shrug.  
  
  



	4. And There Were Monks Bouncing on the Gre...

The little group searched and searched for the ocean and the little orange house that was next to it, but they couldn't find it. They were just about ready to give up, when all of a sudden Milliardo quite literally stumbled upon a sign.  
"OUCH!!!" Cried the little prince as he suddenly tumbled to the ground.  
Getting up he rubbed his aching head and began to walk away in disgust.  
" 'Ay!!!" Yelled Jacques excitedly. "Prince Milliardo! Come look at this!"  
The little prince obediently, if not a little curiously, approached the spot where Jacques was pointing to the ground. At first, he saw only the ground at which Jacques was indeed pointing to, but then to his great surprise, he began to see the outline of a sign. And on that sign was the words, done in bright blue paint, "Welcome to Over the River and Through the Woods: The little town just over the river and through the woods. Population: 3,178". It then occured to the little Prince Milliardo that they had finally arrived in Over the River and Through the Woods, only the sign had fallen down and they hadn't been able to see it before.   
As if by magic, the little town of Over the River and Through the Woods appeared before their eyes. Little cobblestone paths running from bakeries to barber shops to blacksmith's shops to bycicle repair shops to small shops that sold a variety of different cheeses. Skipping through the streets, his heart now light with happiness, Little Prince Milliardo decided that they would stop in the cheese shop to ask for directions to the ocean with the little orange house in front of it.   
As the little duo, no pun intended, entered the store a bell rang to announce their entrance. A very loud bell at that. It nearly deafened the little prince, his companion, and everyone else within a mile's radius of the store. Prince Milliardo and Jacques looked around the store. Prince Milliardo was amazed at the sheer amount of cheese that was in one place. They wondered where the owner of the store was and, for a second, considered ringing the bell labeled "SERVICE", but decided against it as they did not necissarily wish to become totally deaf.   
Eventually, a little old man walked out from the curtain separating the back of the store from the front of the store. He wandered about, dusting the cheeses with a little feather duster and humming to himself, not seeming to notice the two strangers staring at him.  
"Um, excuse me, Mister...," The little Prince ventured.   
The shopkeeper, if that was indeed what he was, paid no heed to the Prince's polite attempts at gaining his attention. This frustrated the little Prince very much and he was just about ready to give the man a peice of his mind when Jacques held him back.  
"Let me," Jacques offered. "There's just some things that only a monster can do. This is one of those things." He then rolled up his sleeves and took a deep breath. "HEY MISTER!!!! WHAT'S A GUY GOTTA DO TO GET SOME SERVICE AROUND HERE?!"  
The poor little Prince, though not deaf, suffered horribly wind blown hair from the sheer force of the shouting that Jacques was doing. And the storekeeper? Well, he turned around and looked at the pair curiously.   
"Speak up, Sonny, I'm a little hard of hearing." The storekeeper said, cupping his hand around his ear indicating that he needed more volume.  
The little Prince and his companion fell over. Why, you ask? Well, it could have had something to do with the Earth's circular motion but I tend think that it was more due to the fact that they had developed unusually large sweatdrops and could no longer hold themselves upright.  
Quickly straightening himself, the little Prince cleared his throat. "Echm. EXCUSE ME SIR. COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU ARE THE OWNER OF THIS FINE ESTABLISHMENT?"  
"Ahh." The old man nodded and smiled. "Yes. Yes. Welcome to my cheese shop. Monteray Jack's Cheese Shop, to be quite exact. Most people call me 'Monteray Jack', but you can just call me 'Monteray'. What can I do for you?"  
Little Prince Milliardo put on his most irresistible smile and approached 'Monteray Jack' with his all-important question. "Could you please-"  
"Huh?"  
"I SAID, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL US WHERE WE COULD FIND THE OCEAN WITH THE LITTLE ORANGE HOUSE ON THE BEACH?"  
'Monteray' rubbed his ears and glared at the little Prince. "Geez, Sonny. You don't have to yell. It's not like I'm hard of hearing or something like that. As for the ocean, it's just down the road from here. Take a left at the bicycle repair, go straight past Miss Muffet's Curds 'n Weigh Shop for about a mile. It's impossible to miss."  
The little Prince bowed and Jacques followed suit. "Thank you kindly for the directions, Mr. Jack." Prince Milliardo said.  
"What?"  
"NEVERMIND!!!"  
"Hey!" 'Monteray' called after them. "Aren't you kids gonna buy any ch-"  
*RING!*  
They had already left and the bell began to ring cutting off old 'Monteray Jack' in mid-sentence. Leaving him in his cheese shop all alone.  
  



	5. And There Were Monks Bouncing on the Gre...

They took a hike, following the directions given to them by 'Monterey'. And in about an hour they were able to see the beach. On the beach they saw something that looked like a, well, thing on the horizon.   
As they approached the black "Thing" became clearer and clearer to them. The little Prince squinted at it and asked, "Hey, Jacques. Do you think that could be....Duo?"  
The monster stared out in the direction that Little Prince Milliardo was pointing. "It very well could be." He agreed. "It doesn't look like any of the sea monsters I'm familiar with."  
And indeed it turned out that our little hero was correct in his assumptions. The happy-go-lucky God of Death came trudging up the beach towards them and collapsed at their feet.  
"Man, am I lucky that river runs into this ocean." He panted, pulling a clump of sea weed off of his shoulder.  
The little Prince came up to him and helped to pull off the kelp and other various sea creatures off of the Shinigami as he told his story.  
"But," Duo said, standing up and brushing himself off. "I guess it's time for us to pay a visit to our friend Trowa."  
So, after that heart-rending reunion, the duo, now turned trio, set off towards the little orange house on the beach just a little ways ahead of them.  
As they came to the cottage they stopped to admire the white trim and little flower boxes on every window.   
"Wow," Jacques sighed, as if he were truly in Heaven. "This Trowa guy sure knows how to decorate. Geez, that's my kind of man."  
Duo shook his head and the little Prince just wondered what Jacques had meant by that before he reached up and knocked on the front door.  
"Yes?" A boy answered the door. He stared at the group on his doorstep with one green eye--you see, the other was covered with his strange unibang. "I'm sorry. I don't really want anything, right now."  
"Wait!" The little prince called before Trowa could shut the door. "We're not selling anything. We just have a message for you from your friend."  
The boy opened the door again and stared at them hard. "I don't have any friends. Now please, leave me in peace.  
"Oh, but you do!" The happy-go-lucky Shinigami said in earnest. "He gave us this note to deliver to you." And so he began to relate their story so far to the young green-eyed man.   
Trowa's one visible eye widened at the sheer speed and amount of words that came pouring from the God of Death's mouth. And at the end of the tale he nodded in understanding. "I see." Said Trowa. Though Little Prince Milliardo wondered how he could see much of anything through his unibang. "Come in."  
At this invitation the trio entered the little orange house, Duo and the little Prince glancing around casually with Jacques 'Oooing' and 'Ahhhing' behind them.  
"Pardon the mess," Trowa said as they entered the kitchen. "I was baking cinnamon bread when you arrived. I used to be in the circus, but now I love cooking." He offered them tea, but the little Prince politely refused--much to Duo's sorrow.  
Little Prince Milliardo handed their host the letter that he had carried all this time. The former circus performer accepted it with a murmured word of thanks and slit open the envelope.  
When he was finished reading the letter, he looked up. His one visible eye was filling with tears, which he quickly wiped away--seeing as they weren't too good for his idiom. "Thank you. Quatre said that he wanted me to come and keep him company in his house at the edge of the Big Dark Forest of Death on the boarder of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too. You've brought us back together again." And with that Trowa got up and escorted them out.  
As they were walking back towards Over the River and Through the Woods, Milliardo looked back and saw Quatre the woodcutter's unibanged friend nailing a "For Sale" sign to his front porch.  
"I'm glad that turned out nicely." Jacques said as they wandered through the now darkened streets of the little town.  
"Yeah," The Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami agreed. "Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."  
Little Prince Milliardo did not hear their conversation, for he was too busy staring up at the starry night sky. He wondered, as he often did since the undertaking of this journey, where his friend could be and if he--or for that matter, she--was somewhere looking for him. He really was lonely and, though this little escapade was interesting and certainly an adventure, he was quite eager to get to the other end of this trip.  
The trio continued to walk on to the west. They walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and--well, you get the picture. On and on and on they went, never stopping for more than a drink of dirty water. The little Prince was now seriously contemplating the possibility of his feet falling off and then where would he be? He was very tired. In fact, he was downright pooped. On top of that, they were all starving.   
So, the tired, hungry, foot-weary, group--quite literally--dragged themselves across an open field, frying in the sun towards the relative shelter of the nearby forest. Feeling hopeless, the half-asleep little Prince trudged on and tried to ignore the gnawing hunger that was eating away at his stomach. Being too polite to complain, little Milliardo took his mind off of hunger and sleep deprivation, and thought about his castle in the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too. He remembered how the sun shone, the birds chirped, the happy people, and the delicious pasteries. His mouth began to water. But before he could go any further on that delectable train of thought, the beginning notes of a familiar song penetrated the mists of his hunger-hazed brain.  
*Bicycle! Bicycle!*  
They were at the edge of the forest. At first they thought perhaps it was a hallucination brought on by their hunger and lack of sleep, but when they heard a second line....  
*I want to ride my bicycle! I want to ride my bike!*  
Several search lights popped on and revealed a mysterious boy with jet black hair. Little Milliardo marveled at the tightness of the boy's ponytail and exactly how much gel it had taken to make it so smooth and shiny.  
*I want to ride my bicycle! I want to ride it where I like!*  
The song stopped and the boy, all dressed in black, wearing a mask somewhat like Zorro's leapt from the stump where he had been standing and landed in front of them, cape and all.   
"Hey Wufie!" Duo said happily.  
the boy glared daggers at the God of Death. "It's Wufei, baka. I am Wufei, God of Justice, and *echm* alsogodofbicycles."  
The little Prince hadn't heard the muffled ending of his title. "The God of Justice and what?" He asked with big innocent eyes.  
Wufei looked perturbed. "and bicycles! Okay! I'm the God of Justice and bicycles! Are you happy now?"  
The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death, whom had always been happy, grinned broadly, and Jacques tried to stifle his laughter by clearing his throat. The little Prince just glared at his companions in shock at their rudeness.  
The God of Justice and bicycles pouted. "This is my forest," he said. "And in most cases I would not only prevent anyone from entering, but I would also bring them all to Justice."  
The little Prince's heart sank.  
"But since Fairy Une--damn onna--made her point quite clear when she said that the group with the Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami was to pass through here with my protection, I guess I'll have to let you go. I won't, however, allow you to go on your own. I know you'll get lost and then I'll have to deal with you in my forest forever. So, I've decided--though much against my own will--to accompany you to make sure Maxwell doesn't deface any of my trees."  
"You can't take a joke can you?" Duo pouted.  
"And since I'm such a nice guy, Fairy Une decided that I would lend you some of my 'specialty' bikes." Wufei scowled, mumbling unintelligibly under his breath and crossing his arms.  
So, they all climbed upon the 'specialty' bikes the God of Justice had given to them. as soon as they began peddling through the woods the bike began, and the trio, now turned quartette, found out why they were called "specialty bikes".  
"Welcome to Wufei's Wonderful World of Justice! I'm tour guide Barbie and I'll be taking you through this magical land of strength and justice. The commonly used definition of Justice is...."   
The little prince sighed. This was definitely going to be a long trip.  
2 hours and 317 Justice facts later, the group crossed the border of the country "Candyland". This land was full of candy and reminded the little Prince of the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory".  
They were immediately confronted by a horde of little orange skinned, green-haired midgets wearing overalls. Somehow, they seemed familiar to the little Prince, but he couldn't quite put his finger on where he had seen them last. The midgets glared at them and began to whisper in a little circle.   
Dismissing this as one of the strange rituals of the native life in Candyland, they peddled off.   
Unbeknownst to our little hero and his band of assorted minor--but still crucial to the story--characters, they were being watched. And not only watched but followed by Who-Knows-Whatsits into the dark depths of Lollipop Forest. Spooky, ain't it?  
" '....With liberty and JUSTICE for all.' Justice quote number two: 'I stand for lo~ve and JUSTICE...' And now for a short break from our sponsor."  
The farther the companions got into the strange forest the stranger it became. Until, all of a sudden POOF! the lights went out, leaving them all in the dark.   
Staring around, they could only see each other's eyes blinking and seemingly floating at different heights above the ground without any bodies to hold them up. Well, of course they had bodies but......well, you just couldn't see them very well. Which brings up another good question: If you can't see the person's body, is it really there? Or is it only there when you can see it? Anyway, they stood there--the people, not the eyes. Of course not the eyes! Eyes don't have legs!  
"Um, excuse me Mr. Narrator, sir," the Prince interrupted the Narrator's rather confused train of thought. "But, as a group of people particularly concerned as to what happens at the end of this story, the others, including me, were wondering if this was a really important tangent to follow. And--being that it isn't--we would like to know if we could kind of....sort of.....you know....move on? Just so we can eventually come to the end of this starry and I can get myself a new friend. No hard feelings? Okay, so, um...yeah. I'll be going now."  
Yes, well. On with the story!  
Blink, blink. "There are only a few possible reasons why this could have happened. A.) The Earth has suddenly begun to spin much faster on its axis than it is typically thought to be moving. B.) We've ridden all the way to the other side of the Earth--somehow skipping over the oceans--to where it's always dark in the daytime and sunny in the nighttime. C.) The author is really bored and running out of decent ideas. Or D.) Life is actually really a low budget movie and they had to cut the lighting."  
"That was four." Jacques blinked/said--you could still see only their eyes--to Wufei.   
"What do you mean 'That was four'?"  
"Well, you said there were just a few reasons why this could have happened, but you stated four reasons."  
"It's true," The little Prince chimed in, having listened very carefully in his grammar lesson about words meaning amounts.  
"So?"  
"Here. I'll explain it to you buddy boy," Duo said. "When you say 'few', you're actually saying three. Get it?" The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death explained.  
"Well," Little Milliardo pondered. "It could be one of those 'in the eyes of the beholder' things where it depends who's saying it."  
"That's a very good hypothesis, but there's a system to numbers." Jacques explained, all the while they were pushing their bikes through the pitch-black forest. "A single or 'a' means one. A couple means two. And a few means three. That's just the way it's always been."  
BANG!  
"Shoot!" Duo yelped in pain.  
The group stopped. All were wondering about the fate of their wounded comrade.  
"Dammit! I think I ran into a safety sucker!"   
Wufei promptly sweat dropped and, consequently, fell over--bicycle and all.  
Emerging from the depths of the Lollipop Forest, the little Prince and his companions passed a sign with a sandy haired queen calling the name HEEEEEERRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! out of an airplane and a glaring king who was pointing a gun at her and saying "Omae o korosu." Somehow, the picture gave the little Prince the chills. It was almost as if he were looking into the future.....  
The little quartette was now heading down a strange road decorated with brightly colored squares. Past a little house made of peanut brittle--they had to pull Duo away forcefully--from which came the sounds of a well-enjoyed meal and a little girl in a gaudy red cape sat on the front porch. Past a field full of trees bearing sugar plumbs which were being harvested by many thousands of fairies dancing in time to music by Tchikowiztsky. Over Gumdrop Pass and Rainbow Trail. Past Queen Frostine's Ice Cream Sea. Through yet another forest--this time the Peppermint Forest. And even up and over the Big Rock Candy Mountain. When suddenly they heard Duo's voice over the incessant chatter of tour guide Barbie.  
"Eek!" He meeped. Frozen as if someone had pushed the pause button on the VCR of Life.  
Careful not to step on the square which Duo was standing in, they read the sign posted next to it. "Darn! It looks like you're Stuck in Molasses Swamp. And you were so close to saving the King and country, too. Well, I guess you'll just have to stay here until a red card is drawn. There's only five in each deck so, good luck. Bwahahahahahahahah! You'll need it! Signed: The new king(not to mention, Perfect Soldier), Heero Yuy"  
"Oh, yeah! I remember now! Fairy Une told me that in order to end all this we have to save good King Kandy, of Candyland! Then we save a country and collect your buddy all in one story." Duo said using the only muscles that were strong enough to withstand the freezing effect.  
Somewhere a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away(maybe even a parallel universe).....  
"Man! I'm stuck in Molasses Swamp!" A little boy cried looking hopelessly at the game board in front of him.   
His sister laughed evilly. "Hahahah! I've got Queen Frostine! I'm catching up! And remember, there's only five red cards in a deck and we've already drawn four. Hahahah!"   
Unbeknownst to the little boy, there is an entire alternate universe depending on him. A prince needs a friend, a Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death needs to be freed from the Molasses Swamp, a monster named Jacques needs to be home in time for the annual monster mash, a God of Justice and Bicycles needs a way in which to fulfill his life-long dream of world wide Justice, an entire kingdom needs to be saved! And it all depends on this little boy's luck of the draw.  
Bobby reached out to pick up the next card.....  
"Darn! It's purple!"   
His sister reached out to take the next card.  
In Candyland the little Prince Milliardo opened his eyes. "I have a bad feeling about this."  
The girl picked up her card. Everyone held their breath.   
"HA! HA! Looks like I won, Bobby!"  
"AWWWW!!! No fair! Let's play again."  
Back in Candyland, little Milliardo began to cry. He sat and cried and cried.   
"What's wrong, Lil' Prince?" Asked Jacques, putting his arm around the boy's shoulder.  
"Well," He sobbed and hiccuped at the same time, resulting in a strange and a sore throat for the little Prince. "You may or may not know this, but I came all the way out here looking for a friend that was given to me by Fairy Une, the good fairy of the wishing star. I've spent days and nights in the cold. I've been rained on. I've been sunburned. I've been covered in mud. I've been covered in poison ivy. And not once have I gotten to wash my hair! Look at this! Just look! I've got split ends! Wufei's damn bicycles won't shut up. I've come all this way and some brat in another universe takes it all away from me. Now poor Duo's stuck in a swamp and it's getting dark. I'm afraid of the dark!" the poor little Prince bawled and Jacques continued patting him on the back--as much for comfort as it was to keep him from choking to death.   
"Wait a minute!" Milliardo said brightly. "I still have that extra wish from Fairy Une! Let's see. It's got to be around here somewhere." He pulled leaves and cheese--pocketed from 'Monterey Jack's'--a couple Popsicle sticks, a live lizard, a pair of clean white gloves, and finally, Fairy Une's business card.   
"You can use me cell phone, lil' Prince." Jacques offered. "I've got me an awesome long distance plan."  
Hurriedly, the little Prince--though had he noticed her number was on speed dial it would have taken him less tries to get it right--punched Fairy Une's number into the phone and hit 'send'.  
"Hello. Une here. To those who occasionally share my bed it's Lady Une. To others it's Fairy Une. What can I do for you?"  
"Yes," The little Prince blushed at her introduction. "This is, um, Milliardo Peacecraft. I'm calling about my wish."  
"Who?"  
"Um, Little Prince Milliardo?"  
"Oh yeah. Nice to see you're still alive. Not many people can say that after taking a trip with a Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami. I'll be right down."  
And in seconds Fairy Une appeared--with yet another blinding flash of light, though by then the little Prince was getting used to it--in front of them clad in a new string bikini, her hair pulled neatly back into buns and her glasses flashing in the last lights of the day. Even Wufei, the famed "Celibate God" had to stop and stare.  
"Hey! Justice Boy! Close your mouth. If you're not careful a bird'll come and make a nest in it. Now let's make it snappy, Prince. I've got some military plans to go over with Napoleon in an hour and I still haven't finished tanning."  
"Well," The little Prince said timidly. "I wish for Duo to be released from the swamp." He thought about it more carefully. "On this side."  
Fairy Une stared hard at the trapped Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami and laughed. "Okay. Wise decision. Maybe you'll be a king after all. That is, if you lose that nasty habit of crying when something happens. Alright, your wish is granted, now hurry up and save the kingdom so you can get your friend and I can stop worrying about you." And with the seventh eye-damaging flash of bright light in this story--and yet another scramble for the poor astronomers in California who were now trying to chart the strange new star they had called "Big Bertha"--Fairy Une disappeared. Sadly, never to return again in this story.  
With all his companions free and ready to go, little Milliardo lead the charge up to Licorice Castle. As they approached it, though, the anger and excitement that had once filled him was now beginning to fade and be replaced with mortal fear. The castle was big and scary and now doubt dark. When they arrived at the heavy front door it opened revealing a large throne room. Inside there was the boy king who was holding the gun on the sign.  
At first, little Milliardo thought that perhaps the evil king was dead, for all he did was sit and glare at them. But then he spoke. "Omae o korosu." He said and struggled to reach something, but couldn't since he was tied at the wrists.  
The king had wild hair and cold eyes, but what really fascinated the little Prince was the way the boy named Yuy could wear spandex shorts and yet not seem to be in any sort of pain. That and the fact that it seemed he had been typing Help! notes on his laptop for quite some time now with his nose and sending them out to all his friends.  
"Maxwell," He hissed. "It's about time you got here! Where have you been? I haven't seen you on MSN or ICQ for at least a week now."  
The Happy-Go-Lucky God of Death thought for a second, which was quite a long time all considered, and then smiled. "Yep. I've been on a journey with this little Prince for the past week. Sorry." He shrugged. "Now to get you out of here-"  
"Not so fast, Darkly Clad One!" Came a voice. Everyone in the room, including some of the servants who had been wandering aimlessly about since the capture of Yuy, stopped and whipped around to see who it was.   
Indeed, it was the sandy-haired queen from the sign. Clad all in burgundy, she approached from within the shadows. "I, am Queen Relena. Queen of the WORLD!!!! And Yuy is mine. As well as the country of Candyland and soon the entire universe. All will be under my control and through my guidance the world will become one pacifist nation." She cackled evilly and somewhere in an alternate universe little Bobby and his sister heard this and went running inside screaming about the horrible sound.  
"Um, she's definitely demented." Was all that Jacques and Wufei could think of to add to the conversation.  
"I heard you were prince of a powerful country, little Milliardo. Marry me and I will give you your friend." A cage appeared out of nowhere and displayed a gorgeous boy with ginger brown hair and big cerulean eyes.   
Little Milliardo was immediately fascinated--if not a tiny bit infatuated--by this strange little boy. Could that be the friend that Fairy Une had promised him? He shook himself from his daze and tore his eyes away from the little boy. There were important legal and moral things to take care of first. "Don't be sick, Relena! I wouldn't marry you if you paid me to and for a few simple reasons. A.) You are definitely not my type. B.) You're basically and idiot. C.) You need to get some help with those problems you have. And D.) You're my little sister for God's sakes!!!! That is not only illegal, but it is also a morally and ethically wrong thing to do--and besides, that's just plain nasty! Let's just go home and get your medication and then everything will be alright again, Relena."  
Relena looked confused. "You said four, Big Brother."  
"What?!"   
"Well, you said that there were a few reasons why you wouldn't marry me and you listed four reasons. Doesn't 'few' mean three?"  
Jacques' face brightened up. "That's exactly what I was saying before. How can you say a few when you really mean several?"  
"I understand perfectly how you feel. All the time I'm walking around with my invisible friend Betsy and she says the she's going to a few stores and then she takes me to four and I just wonder who taught everyone how to count these days."  
Jacques and Relena wandered off out the door deep in conversation about the outrageous misuse of the word 'few'.  
It turned out that Heero Yuy was actually the king of Candyland.   
"My middle name is 'Kandy'." He admitted in a press conference later that month.  
And the boy in the cage? Well, he was set free the moment little Milliardo could do so. He turned out to be a duke by the name of Treize Khushrenada and was older than the little Prince by five years, but that was fine by the fourteen year old monarch. He was just happy to have a friend. So, Prince Milliardo took his newfound friend back to the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too, where the sun shone, the birds chirped, the people were happy, the pastries where quite the best tasting things on Earth, and Treize was adored by every girl in the kingdom. But he already had a friend and he never planned to get married--single life was much better. So, hopefully they would spend the rest of their lives together in friendship for all eternity, but that's another story, isn't it?  
THE--  
Wait! Don't you want to know what happened to the group? Of course you do. Well, Relena and Jacques found a happy life together forever discussing the different forms of number words and their misuse. When Milliardo became king of the Land of the Rising Sun Not to Mention Bread and Biscuits Too, he made Wufei his official Purveyor of Justice and Wufei in return formed the famous Bicycle Brigade which dealt out some serious justice to people around the countryside. After moving in with Quatre, Trowa pursued his interest in cooking and eventually opened his own five star restaurant called "The Heavyarms Cafe". When asked where he got the inspiration for the name of his restaurant he just shrugs and says it was as if someone from an alternate universe with his personality was telling him to call it that. Monterey Jack became the official supplier of cheese to both Milliardo's palace and "The Heavyarms Cafe" he also opened the first ever school for the hearing-impaired-because-of-loud-noises school in Over the River and Through the Woods. The Happy-Go-Lucky Shinigami, Duo, taught at three different Christian schools before settling down with Fairy Une who was at that time a pop superstar in the making. Later she would release five very successful CD's and live forever as a pop legend. Frank the Bridgekeeper was eventually fished out of the ocean by some whalers and after a brief period of fame because of his survival, he became the host of one of the best rated game shows, "Bridge of Death". And finally those Oompa Loompas. After winning the court case for midgets rights they all went on to be famous politicians one of which was later appointed as the first ever midget Supreme Court Justice. And so ends our fine tale. I do hope you enjoyed it. And perhaps someday little--though he isn't really little anymore--Milliardo will make another wish, even though that would be just plain greedy since he already has everything. And then we'll have another adventure in this land, but until then....Wufei was right. This is just a really low budget movie and we can't afford to continue it any longer.  
END 


End file.
